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Showing posts from November, 2019

October is…

I have not been pregnant in over 19 years and I have 8 amazing children. I just went to the bathroom and after wiping, I automatically looked at the toilet paper.  It suddenly dawned on me that I do this every time I go to the bathroom, to look for blood. This is what having a miscarriage does to you. All these years later I am still looking; the fear of seeing blood when I shouldn’t is still there. I have had two miscarriages and I think having a miscarriage forever changes you.  The bubble that pregnancy is a carefree and joyous time is marked by this underlying feeling of dread that something is going to go wrong.  Don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed being pregnant. I loved the feeling of the baby moving inside and of the almost secret bond I felt as the baby grew inside of me. But underneath all of that joy was a red hot fear.  The fear would lessen as the pregnancy went on, but never entirely left. October is pregnancy loss awareness month.  October is when one...